🚩 First things first: the first hints on the apps

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for…

At 35… I guess I don’t have to add anything else here?

 

He only wants something casual or is just looking for something short-term.

Believe him. Take his words at face value. Do not think, “Oh well, but maybe he’ll be different with me.”

No. He won't. There is a reason why he puts that there. And it's not because he wants to be humble and is shy... 

 

Wrong age? Yeah, sure. Hinge just did that by accident. NO.

He’s putting down the wrong age so he shows up to younger women who otherwise wouldn’t be interested in him because he falls outside their preferred age range.

 

“I don’t want drama.”

GIRL. I can GUARANTEE you: he is the drama.

If a man uses that tiny little space on his dating profile, where he could write all the beautiful things about himself to make sure everyone knows that he doesn’t want drama… He constantly attracts drama.

And why does a. man attract drama? Because he's emotionally mature, stable and all grown up?...

 

The thing is… don’t overlook these signs.

Yes, it’s just an app. Yes, people can phrase things in a way that makes them sound better. Yes, it’s just a tiny bit of information, and no you don’t know him yet. Yes, everything else might look great.

But those tiny little things are the very first clues you get.

 

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🚩 When you tell your friends about him, you leave out or change certain details.

Or worse… You hide things from them. Yes. That’s a red flag in him - and in you.

Because that’s how you enable him. You’re letting him get away with his shitty behavior because, deep down, you already know it’s shitty. You know you deserve more. And you know he probably can’t give you what you actually want. So you start protecting him. You make excuses for him.

You tell yourself it’s not that bad.

“He just can’t help it.”

“He’s had a difficult past.”

“He’s just not good at this.”

And suddenly, you have way too much understanding for behavior you would immediately tell your best friend not to tolerate.

Open your eyes, girl. 

 

 

🚩  The tiniest disagreement suddenly feels like a massive obstacle 

The first tiny conflict comes up in the very early stages of dating. Maybe it’s not even really a conflict. For some men, it’s already enough that you simply have a different opinion on a topic.

What happens?

You immediately get scared that he’s going to leave and won’t want you anymore.

And yes, sometimes that’s your anxious attachment talking…

But sometimes, it’s also your gut picking up on something real.

The guy runs away from conflict and avoids it.

Because he’s not able to handle conflict properly, come towards you and talk things through, or tolerate your opinion — and I mean actually tolerate it. Not just shut his mouth and pretend he’s fine with it while secretly talking badly about you and putting you down for it behind your back.

 

And well you may find a way to "solve" the issue....It feels good at first because you feel safe again.

But I guarantee you: if he already handles the very first tiny conflict during the early dating phase (when everyone is still showing their best side and making an effort) like this…

Can you imagine what he’ll do three years into a relationship when you’re dealing with actual conflicts about money, kids, or other deep and important topics?

Exactly. The same thing - just ten times worse

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🚩 The "without me?" shower question... 

A little bit of spice from the beginning is absolutely not an issue. But if it keeps being about sex, or no matter what topic you’re talking about, he always somehow finds a way to turn the conversation back to sex… no.

Same thing if he generally only gives very superficial, one-sided answers and doesn’t seem that interested but suddenly the conversation picks up like crazy from his side when he gets to talk about sex.

Which leads us to the next red flag…

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🚩 Dates are always late at night or only super spontaneous

This is the behavior of a little boy who doesn’t want to commit. He wants the benefits of seeing you whenever it suits him as spontaneously and flexibly as possible, without any commitment and without having to take any responsibility.

A spontaneous late-night date can absolutely be exciting. Of course. There’s nothing wrong with a hot little nighttime adventure. The problem is when those dates become the norm and you don’t feel emotionally secure because there’s simply no consistency or commitment.

You go home and immediately wonder when, how, or even if you’re going to see him again, hoping he’ll text you the next morning.

That’s the red flag.

 

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🚩 He is always super fucking busy

Yes, if you want to date a high-value man who has his shit together, is successful, has a career, makes money, has friends, hobbies, takes care of his health, goes to the gym… that man is busy. So it sounds like a good sign, doesn't it? 

Just like you are busy because you have a life of your own.

But the difference is: Mr. Bare Minimum uses his oh-so-busy life as an excuse for everything.

Why he cancels your date last minute.

Why he couldn’t plan a proper date in the first place.

Why he couldn’t text back or text you at all.

A grown-ass man can have a busy life AND still find ways to see you, talk to you, and make you feel like you matter.

 

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🚩 He has weird friends

Whatever “weird” means to you.

Maybe you don’t really like them. Maybe you don’t like the way they think or the things they do. Maybe you find yourself wondering why he even has these friends because he seems so different from them.

But here’s the thing: Your friends say a lot about you. He has those friends for a reason.

They usually share a similar vibe, mindset, and energy just like your friends probably reflect your own vibe, values, mindset, and energy.

So pay attention. His friends can tell you a lot about him if you know how to read between the lines.

Whatever it is about them that you notice and don’t like… pay attention to it. He probably has it too. You just don't see it as clearly with himbecaise unlike with his friends, you're emotionally invested in him. 

 

 

🚩 You spend more time interpreting him than actually enjoying the time with him.

Yes, of course, when we’re getting to know someone, we want to learn as much as possible about them.

But when he turns you into an FBI agent… that’s a big fucking sign that you don’t trust him.

And sure, that can be your own trust issues that you need to work on. This is where you need to have a little discernment…

But a lot of the time, it also means there’s actually something wrong and you genuinely can’t trust him.

Because if he has integrity, does what he says he’ll do, and keeps his word, there’s no reason for you to be interrogating ChatGPT at 3 a.m. about what he meant and analyzing every little thing he did. 

If he says A but does B, leaving you with nothing but question marks…

RUN.

 

 

🚩Low effort & mixed signals

OMG. I almost forgot Mr. Bare Minimum’s signature feature here. :D

The BARE fucking minimum. Closely followed by mixed signals.

Uhh girl… I know you’ve been educating yourself about attachment styles.

You are anxious and he’s avoidant.

And yes, avoidant tendencies can show up as mixed signals. Maybe he wants closeness, but because of his avoidant tendencies, he struggles to actually let someone in. Nevertheless, a mixed signal is a mixed signal.

And they don’t magically turn into full presence one day just because you’re now in a relationship.

They usually stay mixed.

He’ll be hot and cold. He’ll show you some kind of love (the bare minimum, of course) and then pull back again.

It doesn’t just get better because you’re officially together.

And even if he genuinely likes you and genuinely wants you, there’s still that part where he IS also cold.

Ask yourself: Do you really want that forever?

Do you want that same coldness and pulling away on an even deeper level, in a long-term relationship or even a marriage?

Unless he is actively working on it, it’s not going to magically change.

 

Oh, and don’t get fooled. Sometimes men like this aren’t stupid. In the beginning, they might shower you with attention, affection, and everything you’ve been wanting.

But if that only lasts for 2- 4 weeks…

That’s your sign that it was an act to impress you not who he actually is.

 

 

🚩 Generally emotionally immature

On the outside, he has everything you’d expect a grown man to have:

A good job, makes money, has friends, family, maybe even kids. He’s good at what he does, has hobbies, and seems to have his life together.

From the outside, there’s nothing particularly sketchy about him.

But emotionally, it’s a completely different story.

He behaves incredibly immaturely and dates like a 16-year-old boy.

• He can be very charming and interested as long as everything is easy and exciting. 

• But as soon as you express your needs, set boundaries, or have a different opinion, things suddenly get harder. 

• He’s reluctant to take responsibility for his part in problems. 

• He may want closeness, but emotionally pull away as soon as things start becoming more serious or committed. 

Don’t let the outside fool you.

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